The life of the immigrant

How can I be happy and sad at the same time?
Why are my sad tears rolling down my face while my eyes and heart are smiling?
How is it possible to be happy with what we have and still miss so much of what is far?
How can it be so painful and be so grateful at the same time?

This is my country now, it is my home; yet my family is not here.
My friends and their families are my family now; yet I need my parents here.
It's the same sun and the same moon, is my same God, is the same love.
 My heart is filled with love, but there will always be a void, you are not here.

Four years doesn't make it easier, and doesn't make it harder, its just more of me missing you. Your hugs, your kisses, your smell, your touch. I miss you with all my soul, and will always be like this.

Wish you were here.

Letter to my friends

Always in my heart, always in my wishes. Even if I'm not there, even if I don't call, you are always in my thoughts, always in my prayers and dreams.

I may not be there, but I'm always with you. I may not look for you, but I'll be there if you need me.

I'm not ready, I can't make myself, is hard for me, it will always be. I just want you to remember that I'm always here, I love you, you are my friend.

Why Canada?

A gut feeling, the right place to be, destiny, coincidence, a leap of faith... All lines that could be used in my immigration to Canada, all lines that could be used in my coming here to Toronto.

I was looking at immigration since 2005 or so, study in Japan? Live in Australia? Go to Spain? The latest 2 common choices around Venezuelans, the first one because of my love for Japan, but Canada? hahaha, nah, thats too cold and I don't know anything about the country!

Around February 2006 my mom sees a newspaper ad for a Canadian immigration lawyer talking about the country, the process and her services and she goes "why don't you go and see?"... "umm... well, have nothing better to do that day, sure!" God's plan in process :)

So I go to the conference, and the moment she starts talking about Canada... wow... I.. start... crying... I admit it, I'm a cry baby, but come on! It just felt right! All the moments when I was a kid and wanted to buy a winter coat in Venezuela, or winter boots and my mom would go "where do you think you will use that?" clicked, me hating the all_year_warm clicked, this was the place I needed to go.

A week later I had a lawyer, and less than year and a half later I had a permanent resident visa. During all that year I read and studied Canada like crazy!!! Went to every single immigration forum I could find, and listened to Canadian radio stations online.

By fortune/chance/destiny the radio station I liked the most was Chum FM, a Toronto radio station; so a year of hearing about Toronto, the chances for the IT market, the english instead of french, the fact that is an amazing big city, all of them were in play for deciding Toronto would be my home.

Knowing no one here, being the first venezuelan blogger in Toronto, they were all part of the leap of faith, an experience I don't regret at all and absolutely love.

Three and a half years later

I'm here, three and a half years later and I think I'm very much used to the Canadian weather, I love the 4 seasons and the only thing that I still find a little weird is the drastic changes like the last storm we had this week, with hail falling on my car and the temperature at almost 40C :S

Back in Toronto life feels a little easier than in Mississauga, but all is relative, I'm sure if I had kids it would be another story... The reason I moved? People keep asking but just a few get a real answer, isn't it enough to know that is better for people that want a more dynamic style of life? :)

My mood goes and comes, and my blog shows it hehe, sometimes I write a few times a week, sometimes more than a week goes by without writing, but I'm still trying to find the right balance between what people want to read about, what I want to write, and the personal aspects of what I do. I thought I had that balance but somehow it seems like is not the right one right now and it may take a while until I find it.

In general I'm happy, I'm happy with my life in Canada and my friends, and everything that seems like an obstacle is just a bump on the way to teach me something and prepare me for the future. I still love this country and still feel like this is my country, I feel happy to be Venezuelan and will be really happy the day I can say I'm Venezuelan AND Canadian! :)

You are my mirror

Writting like there is nothing left, like your world has crashed and burned, like there is absolutely no end, writing so you can ease the pain.

Nothing can hide me but I can always try, nothing can stop me but I can always hide, nothing can break me but it will leave me scars, this can not kill me but can make me sad.

I smile, I cry, I laugh and dance, I mourn and hide, I open to love and close to myself, I look at the stars and look at the rain, I see my good side and my very bad ways, this shows me my very true self.

Why are your eyes so sad? why so much pain? and from whatever you have inside, you come to my aid. Because its you and me, and no one else, because He is by our side and will always be there, because you and me are one, and we divide but we are the same.

My love for you is here and your love for me is there, we just need ourselves; and I look at the mirror and see for myself, we are strong and happy, you and me, I and myself. Thank you for being there.

I wish...

I wish I had a camera
to look into your eyes
to capture how you shine to me
and your sweet and smiling eyes.

I wish I had a camera
specially for me,
a picture of your heart
like no one else has seen.

There is emptiness in you
in the pictures I have seen,
but my eyes can see in you
what no one else can see.

I wish I had a camera
to capture for the world
what I can feel in your eyes,
your heart, your love and...
...me.

I'm back

Hi!!! I'm back :) and I'll be trying to write as much as I did before, even if I have to write them beforehand! I'm sorry for not writing in so long but I promise to write more and to answer the comments you have done in previous posts! Thank you so much for the loving words, the christmas cards and all the good wishes!!!

Many things have happened in the last month and I'll be trying to write about all of them in the next few weeks... Our house is looking better and better, we learned how to handle the trash with the restrictions the city has, we bought a car :) Igor's family came to visit, we saw Niagara Falls in winter! We had a trip to the hospital with someone without health card (she is ok), and I haven't told you about my new trip to work and many more things :)

Well, I think is enough for this post, now to write 1 or 2 more posts ;) Thank you for waiting for me!!! And I wish for you to have a very happy new year :D

A year ago...

366 days ago (leap year) we took a plane to an unknown country, with only 4 suitcases, the money the embassy asked us to have, and many dreams of a new life.

366 days ago we didn't know what to expect, we said goodbye to our families and left for a new path of life, a new beginning.

366 days ago, we arrived extremely tired to a new country, but with so much energy that we didn't sleep the whole day.

Today we still have many dreams and hopes.

Today we are one of the most happy people of the world.

Today we have jobs in our areas.

Today is the closing date of our new house, our new home.

Today is our 1 year anniversary of happiness in this wonderful country that opened its doors for us. WE ARE HAPPY!!! Thank you for being with us in this adventure!!

My family was here

As everyone know, my family was here for 15 days, they left on the 20th. I really can't post pictures about it, because I don't want to expose their pictures without their permission and I don't have them ^^ But, for family and friends that want to see them, just let me know! I'll give you the link with a few of them, 3 DVDs of pictures is just too much xD

We did so many things:
- Tim Hortons
- Kensington Market
- Harbourfront
- Toronto Island
- CN Tower
- Wonderland
- Queen street
- Little Italy
- Greektown
- Little Brasil (with a Brasil festival included ;))
- Niagara Falls
- Beisbol game at the Rogers Centre
- The Beaches
- Eaton Centre and York Mills
- My office
- Just walking around the city
- Meeting our friends
- Eating japanese, italian, greek, hot dogs, etc. at home and the street

I miss them, that's impossible not to do, but I know I'll be fine, I know I can do it. I love my new city too much, and my friends... well, they are my new family and I love them!

Besides the memories, my family left me with something else, 6 suitcases of things we left in Venezuela :)

We had to buy 2 new bookcases in Ikea:

And we have back our beautiful wedding album:


With every passing moment, our house is becoming more and more, our home.

The tales of my life

What do tales/stories have that steal your heart? Why do we like so much to be inside a book or a movie? Are we running away of our own lifes when we don't want to leave that fantasy world?

To me there is nothing like a good book... it doesn't have to be a bestseller, and it doesn't have to be written by Shakespeare, to me a good book is the one that makes you live their story, the one you don't want to put down and the one that makes it's world yours, a side world where you can live so many things... I can't say is a wonderful world since I'm a horror fan, but it is a magic world.

I love my life, and the wonderful opportunity of living in a country like this, which I could only hope in dreams, but I can't live without a book in my hands, and when it's far away from me I think of them, I think of the characters and what they are doing; I know they are there and the story doesn't continue without me, but I can't avoid to see them as friends, friends that I want to see, live and dream.

My types of book are fantasy, horror and romance, but it has to be a book that will take me deep, if they don't do it in the first 5 pages, they are lost to me, and once I like a book, it becomes my baby; I still remember the books I had to give away before coming here! and I have my arms wide open for the ones I left at home and that soon will be here.

What makes you read a book twice? Have you done it? I have to confess this is my first time, and since it's a manga many would say is not a book, but to me is more than that. When I'm reading and remember what is going to happen next, I get excited thinking "here it comes, I'm so happy!", and when I don't remember and something good happens is a great surprise. I laugh again, I get excited again and my heart starts to beat really fast when the great moments are coming, I'm in love with my books, and this one in particular, fruits basket, I have it in my heart.